Gremlins
Everybody's got them. Everyone. And if you say you don't have any, you're either lying or a sociopath.
They're those voices in your head. The ones that talk shit about you to your face. They sound just like you (which is especially insidious for a voice actor).
I've got'em. They're loud. They're persistent. Persuasive AF.
Here's what mine say:
Credit: Marco Antonio. Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/marcosenche/9002766673
“You have no talent. You suck."
"You don't know what you're doing."
"You're pompous. Who the fuck are you to tell anyone anything?"
"This is way too hard. What were you thinking? This was a stupid decision. You're stupid."
"You're a single parent. How dare you take a risk like this?”
"You're not smart enough and you don't work hard enough."
"You're a fake. A phony. An imposter."
"Nobody likes you. They tolerate you at best."
"You're failing." or "You've already failed."
They've been especially loud lately.
But here's how I get them to quiet down. I remind myself, sometimes out loud, that...
...It takes a shit ton of courage to give up stability and security and take a shot at doing what I love every day, not knowing if or how it's going to work out. I'll regret not trying more than failing.
...I am talented and I have good skills. They can always be improved, but I've come so far.
...No, I don't know what I'm doing all the time. But I'm figuring it out. Maybe slower than I'd like, but I'm working on it every day.
...I'm smart enough to have adapted and survived for an entire career and I'm working harder, longer, with more passion than I have since I was in my 20s.
...My experience counts and can help at least some others.
...I'm a Dad trying to live the value of courage for my son so that he will have the courage to do what he loves.
...Even the best in the business feel like imposters sometimes.
...Not everyone will like me. I can only control how I treat others. Sometimes I fail at that. I'm human. I try to own it and apologize. Mostly, though, I succeed.
...I only really fail if I give up.
And I talk to other people…friends, family, colleagues… a great remedy, but one I admittedly use as a last resort way too often. They remind me that I don’t suck and I am courageous and I am allowed and expected to make mistakes.
Why am I sharing this? Everyone's got gremlins. Maybe if you hear mine and how I try to hold them off every day, you'll feel a little better and be able to beat yours back a little further, too.
It's not about denying that the gremlins exist. It's about shining a light on them and making them scatter like bugs.
Choose courage. Choose love. Choose people who love your courage and persistence and hate your gremlins.
We all have them. All of us. Here's to shining your light on yours.